of course what makes breakfast in bed so

special is you're ______down and eating

bacon: the most beautiful thing on earth!

Bacon's the best. Even the frying of

bacon sounds like applause. It's like: huuuhh!!
YEAH!! BACON!

00:23
You know how good bacon is to improve other food. They

wrap it in bacon for (if it) _______ for bacon,

we wouldn't even know what a water

chestnut is. Thank You bacon sincerely

"Water Chestnut the Third"! and those bits

of bacon bits of bacon- like the fairy

dust of the food community; you don't

want this baked potato now it's a

favorite part of the meal -Not interested in the salad? bacon!!
00:54
I just ______it into an entree

but once you put bacon in a salad, it's no
01:00
longer a salad- just ________a game of

find the bacon in the lettuce it's like

you're panning for gold: Eureka!! BACON!

(There are ) Not many ways to prepare bacon;

you can either _____ it or get botulism.

it's amazing the _______that occurs.

You start with a pound, you end up with a

bookmark! Really the only bad part

about bacon is it makes you thirsty for
more bacon!

01:27
more bacon

I never feel like I __ _______ bacon at

breakfast- it's like they're rationing it:

-"Here's your two strips of bacon"- "I WANT MORE! MORE BACON!"

Whenever you're at a brunch buffet and you see
01:42
that big ___ _____ filled with the

4,000 pieces of bacon

don't you almost expect a rainbow to be

coming out of it: I FOUND IT ; I FOUND
THE SOURCE OF ALL BACON!!

That bacon tray's always

at the end of the buffet you regret all

__ ____ on your plate-

What am I doing with all this worthless fruit?

I should`ve waited! If I had known you were here,

I would've waited!

- I would eat only you bacon!

But you can't eat only bacon cuz it's terrible for you-

You know Bacon's bad when a _______choice

is a doughnut- Bacon's like the opposite

of medicines: Uh! Take that Lipitor I'm

bacon!

We know bacon is bad for us for

thousands of years- it's literally a

_________on entering certain

religions- Our rules: no killing; no

cheating; on your wife; no bacon- no bacon
What was that last one?

No bacon-
I'm in the wrong _____Is there a bacon

line around here? How many bacon jokes is

this guy gonna do? I mean I like bacon but COME ON!
02:53

02:55
The pig is an amazing animal you _____ a

pig an apple, it makes bacon.

I find that impressive- let's see Michael

Phelps do that! huh?

The pig, the pig is turning an apple essentially garbage

into bacon! that's magic! or the most

successful recycling program ever!

Really the pig's ___ ___ ____ I love

dogs but pigs would be good companions

and then when they die you could ever

have a barbecue. -Sorry your pig died. Can I come
03:33
over for breakfast? We'll have some baaacooon..

Bacon is that good
03:40
I bet you put bits of bacon on a strip

of bacon you could travel back in time

it's like a tasty _____! be kind of

redundant for me cuz I would just travel

back to when I was eating bacon-

they have bacon - bacon time-space continuum

That's a nerdy-ass bacon joke!

Fat back supposedly fat backs like bacon on
04:04
steroids never tried fat back probably

cuz it's called fat back!!

I don't know which word ____ __ ___

more fat or back! Well they just throw in

hair while they're at it! -(at their back) Some delicious

hairy fat back- that reminds me your

uncle called!! that's gotta be the end of
04:28
the bacon jokes...

I even like the name
04:32
bacon- you can't tell me the success of

Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his

name! you're not going out to see a

"Kevin _______" movie.

- Who's in this movie?

- Kevin Bacon.

- Sounds good!

I like meat- I do, but you know who seems
04:53
to be really ________ ___ meat are

vegetarians. For people that don't like

meat they seem to eat a lot of vegetables

that are mashed up and shaped to look

like meat.- I find meat repulsive- I'll have

a veggie burger with fake bacon and can
05:08
you serve it to me dressed like a cow?

I don't like meat I just like to call Meade

late at night and hang out let's drive

by Meade's house does Mead ever ask

about me I don't care I ain't missing
05:20
you at all! (song here)

05:29
Never see that the other way- I will have

the steak and can you make it taste like

______

my wife refuses to eat meat because she

feels it's cruel to animals which

interestingly enough is the same reason

why I don't eat vegetables- I'm a

vegetable rights activist- Except for the

________, they can't feel anything.

I DO love the animals- I've never looked at a

cow and thought I want to eat that

but once that cow was slaughtered

drained of all its blood chopped up and
06:00
put on a grill- I get hungry! Cow!

06:07
Definitely helps if it doesn't look like

an animal- "This _____sandwich doesn't look

like a pig to me!"- but Ribs...

There's no getting around ribs. Cuz they're ribs!

it's amazing how casually we order:

- yeah I will have the baby back ribs and could

you wheel that out in a stroller I'm

gonna start with the baby chicken legs

I'm gonna have an all baby meal.

- hey buddy! I used to be a baby

How d'you eat ribs without looking like a

_________ anyway?- Excuse me while I tear

the flesh from this bone. I need the
06:48
energy for when I club you later on.

06:53
I like all kinds of meat, even Bologna.

-"I knew he was white trash"

I don't even know if Bologna is a meat- I don't think
meats supposed to catch on fire like that.

What's interesting about Bologna

it's not just a meat it's an _______

that's a bunch of Bologna!!

you're full of Bologna!! kind of implies

Bologna makes you lie- I eat Bologna all

the time or maybe I don't.

Have you seen the Bologna that has the olives in it?

Who's that for?
07:33
I like my Bologna like a martini with an

olive- I love the bologna sandwich dirty!
(Dirty Martini here)

Everything about Bologna is silly.

Who decided on the pronunciation of the word bologna?

All right tell me how you pronounce this word?

-"BOLOGNA!!"

- If you saw there's a G in the word.

- I don't see no G. Bologna!

- Okay, well the word does end with an A.

-We're going Bologna

- "Trust me I came up with- Colonel"-/kernal/

You've been reading and come across the word

Colonial, and you go like colo- clo-Colonial

someone important- This reading is hard!

Where's my TV?